As a pimply faced youth, I remember getting a weekly allowance, usually for performing some chores, mowing the lawn, washing/drying dishes or walking to the lake in Minnesota in the dead of winter to haul back a block of ice for our refrigeration needs. Boy those ice tongs were hard to hold when frostbite started to set in. Ok, Ok the last chore was my “Brian Williams” moment. Back to allowances, once you’d blown through it for the week, there was no deficit spending or borrowing from a sibling. Most of us still have to live within our means and make cuts when budgets get tight. That’s why I’ve looked forward to Senator Tom Coburn’s annual “Wastebook” that chronicles wasteful Federal Government spending. Tom retired last year and “Wastebook2014” is the last edition, unless someone else picks up the gauntlet. “Massages for Rabbits, Gambling Monkeys, Watching Grass Grow and Laughing Classes” are just a few of the studies paid for by the tax payers. But my favorite money burner was the National Science Foundation spending over $800,000 teaching 3 mountain lions how to walk/run on treadmills as part of a research project to gain more insights into their instincts. (For $8,000 and a plane ticket to Vegas, I could have told you their instincts are: 1. Awake 2. Lick all parts, even the yucky ones. 3. Relieve themselves in the woods with the bears. 4. Stalk prey quietly, make sure to be upwind. 5. Chase prey (remember this is a sprint not a marathon). 6. Capture prey and kill it. 7. Eat prey 8. Sleep 9. Repeat next day). Baseline data needed to be collected on their oxygen consumption at different activity levels. It took 8 months of training before the cats were “comfortable on the treadmill.” (I’m still not comfortable on the treadmill, my wine glass won’t balance). With an $18 trillion dollar deficit hanging over the heads of future generations, was this study, paid for with money that doesn’t exist, critical? Wouldn’t providing Kale flavored ice cream to public school children have been a better use of funds? I’m so glad that the cats were “comfortable on the treadmill” after only 8 months. You can bet their friends and relatives aren’t as glad, especially with the 3 cats post study demanding “Fit-Bits” and “Heart Monitors.” Hunting just got a little more complicated, they can only chase prey while within the “aerobic zone,” 80% of their max heart rate. Where was PETA when this study was conducted? I would have figured some Hollywood Starlets would have volunteered to take the place of the cats on the treadmills wearing bracelets that said, “Wild Cats, Not Gym Rats,” or Michael Moore (nope too easy, wouldn’t be prudent, trying to keep this piece “light-hearted”). What’s next? Studies to teach prairie dogs yoga? “Ok class, let’s start off with the “downward facing dog pose,” followed by the “holy crap, there’s the gas exterminator pose.” And don’t think rabbits won’t take notice and demand equal attention (this isn’t so hare-brained). I can see a study to teach rabbits how to “Bench Press.” They’ll demand torn tank tops, way too tight shorts, enough gold bling to have made Francisco Pizarro envious and demand a spot on the new sitcom, “New Jersey Wooley.” “Yo bro, Mr Bear, how about a spot while I go for my max!” Well gotta go, I’ve noticed my Boston Terrier Domino has an amazing ability to stand on his back legs, wonder if I could apply for a Federal Grant to teach him “Zumba!”