Hello Jimmie – I read that Colorado is planning to reintroduce wolverines, a species that has been absent from the state for over a century. The last one was killed in 1919. This initiative aims to restore a native predator to the state’s alpine ecosystems. What are your thoughts?

–Ms. Emotional Support Human

Dear Ms. ESH – I think it’s great, since the wolf reintroduction has gone so well. Why stop at wolverines? How about increasing/introducing brown (grizzly) bears, tigers, snow leopards, and, with Jurassic Park type technology, reviving saber-toothed tigers and woolly mammoths? This would help ensure humans couldn’t ruin nature as it was meant to be, and they might experience being the hunted instead of being the hunters. Also, Park Attendants could issue free ham-scented sunscreen to those despicable hikers and campers.

Greetings Jimmie – I see that the muckety-mucks are getting excited about the Front Range Rail Project and have even asked the public to vote on one of four possible name choices they selected for the train. What’s your take on this?

–Mr. Gabbon Noosum

Dear Mr. Noosum – I had to chuckle when I saw this naming contest. Talk about putting the caboose before the engine! The four choices are: **FRED: Front Range Express Destinations**CoCo: Colorado Connector

**Colorado Ranger**RangeLink. Here are my personal choices for the train name: **PALE: Pack a Lunch Express**Scenic Way Home**Colorado Greenback Burner**Choo-Choo Boo-Boo.

Over the next year, the Front Range Passenger Rail (FRPR) District anticipates a ballot measure will ask voters within the district to approve a new $0.5% tax to fund the construction, operation, and maintenance of the system. Longmont has already paid approximately $100 million into the RTD FasTracks Ponzi Scheme, so use those funds and nix the additional tax proposal for Longmont. The new (FRPR) route would still go through Longmont to Boulder to Denver. Longmont gets put in the coach railcar while Boulder gets first class. I’ll be as delicate as I can with this next statement. Why not use the money going to fund the train and FIX OUR GOAT TRAIL ROADS!

Hi Jimmie – A bill that would have decriminalized prostitution in Colorado will not move forward this year after its sponsor said it lacks the votes to pass its first committee. Sen. Nick Hinrichsen, a Pueblo Democrat, said he will ask to postpone Senate Bill 97 because supporters — including sex workers — feared harassment and public exposure. What is your opinion on this?

–Mr. Never Paid for It

Dear Mr. Never Paid – This proposal would have changed the term “prostitution” to “commercial sex activity.” It also would have eliminated four petty offenses, including solicitation, patronizing a prostitute, and the petty offense of prostitution itself. Using a building or place for prostitution would no longer be a public nuisance. Also, it would eliminate a provision in the escort services statutes that declares prostitution illegal. If this had passed and I ever drove away from Denver, I’d be afraid to turn back and look for fear of turning into a pillar of salt. What’s next? Human sacrifices to Gaia? I can see where the Statehouse could have some empathy for prostitutes having somewhat similar vocations. Sanity prevailed, and the naked truth of this being a bad bill caused it to be stripped from consideration. Hopefully, it has been laid to rest.

Jimmie St. Vrain claims to be Johnnie St. Vrain’s wiseguy brother and Kris Harris moved here in 1960 and is a product of Longmont Public Schools and the University of Northern Colorado. He believes sarcasm deserves to be taken seriously.