The State of Colorado was called back into a special session to address a $1 billion shortfall. Democrats blamed the “Big Beautiful Bill” for reducing revenue streams. Republicans see the deficit as a product of years of overspending and reject the idea that Washington alone is to blame for the crisis. No matter what or who is to blame, we’ll need real solutions to fix this shortfall. Here are my ideas:

*Sell Denver, Boulder, and Aspen to California: Their attitudes and politics are aligned, and Governor Brylcreem would be stoked to ski Aspen with his natural “hair gelled helmet.” City names would have to change; for instance, Aspen would be renamed Malibu with Moguls, Denver would become Far East LA., and Boulder would be Hinono’eiteen (Arapaho) for the Native Americans who once lived there. Imagine we could ask $100 million for each city. Remember, Cali has money to burn and estimates spending $135 billion for their high-speed ghost train from San Francisco to LA by the 2030s, sound familiar, RTD?

*Sell Weld County to Wyoming: They’ve been threatening to do it, so cut them loose, but Colorado would retain 50% of the mineral rights revenue for 20 years, but heaven forbid wanting the natural gas or oil produced, since “good vibes” and solar panels duct taped to Teslas will save the energy by 2030. Estimate at least $100 million in revenue.

*Sell State Capital Dome Gold: Scrape, melt down, and sell the 65 ounces of gold in the leaf covering out Capital Dome. At $3,500 per ounce, that is approximately $228K. To the ruling elite, the gold represents a symbol of the white colonizers who plundered the state at the expense of native inhabitants. The gold could be replaced with a mural of Colorado wildlife, indigenous people, and Greta Thunberg.

*Privatize State Government Functions: Many states contract out services to realize cost-saving efficiencies. Consider privatizing Workers’ Compensation Insurance, Road Maintenance and Infrastructure, Child Support Enforcement and Behavioral Health, and Affordable Housing. This would mean layoffs in State Government, but these individuals should be able to find jobs in the private sector, or do as President Biden suggested to laid-off Energy workers and learn to code.

*Great American Cannabis Festival: Hold a state-sponsored festival like the Great American Beer Festival. Guests could sample herb from legal producers and would be issued bubble helmets to keep their sampling self-contained because sharing is so pre-pandemic. Major corporate food sponsors could be enlisted, like Domino’s Pizza, Frito-Lay (Doritos), and Krispy Kreme. This could be a “high” revenue generator for the state.

*Scavenger Wolf Hunt: With wolves here, we might as well generate some revenue from them. Sell tickets foran annual contest where individuals search for and photograph a wolf and send it to contest organizers, who determine if the find is legitimate with their GPS tracking system. The individual with the most wolf’s ID’d over a couple of days wins the Grand Prize: A Dinner with Governor Polis and his partner, Marlon, prepared by famous chef Wolfgang Puck.

*Corporate Naming Rights: Sell naming rights on select infrastructure, like the future RTD Longmont to Boulder to Denver rail line could be called the “Kellogg’s Fruit Loop” or “Off the Beaten Path Travel Company.” Numerous pothole-pocked bridges exist on I-70 from Denver to the Kansas border. How about “Kraft Swiss Cheese,” “Midas Shock Absorbers,” or “W(hole) Foods,” bridges?”

Kris Harris moved here in 1960 and is a product of Longmont Public Schools and the University of Northern Colorado. He believes sarcasm deserves to be taken seriously.